I just don't get it anymore.

I just can't deny the simple truth anymore. The people who I should be closest to in the entire world don't know me as well as most of my best friends do. I feel bad admitting it but it's true. As one of those people has proved today. It has gotten to a point where subconsciously I am relying on my friends to bring me through the day rather than my family. The past year and a half has not yielded a single thing, and no-one seems to have noticed. With this I can't help but think how much do I know about them and how much do they know about me? No this does not mean little anecdotes like when I run into glass/wooden doors. Its about my patterns, my speech, and ultimately my actions. I do not mean to justify the way that i have been acting for the past few weeks. Nor do I mean to seek your pity. I simply mean to try and help you understand that while you will forever be close to me, there are others that have somehow managed to get closer. I honestly thought that you were the one that knew me best. The one who could see behind the smiles and nervous laughter, The one that could make me feel better in an instant, The one who would help me through the ups & downs. Evidently you are not any of those things.